


What happens when it's over?

by BearGarbage



Series: PB Livin AU [3]
Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Gen, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, it's a fun ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearGarbage/pseuds/BearGarbage
Summary: As Mr Peanutbutter works on the set for Birthday Dad--Todd has nightmares. It starts off as something small but quickly grows with time.Todd tries to find the root of these problems so he and Mr Peanutbutter can go back to living within a happily semi-normal life in Hollywoo before it starts to overwhelm him.
Relationships: Todd Chavez/Mr. Peanutbutter
Series: PB Livin AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546189
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness surrounded Todd.

He wasn’t sure where he was. It was initially fuzzy, but it grew clearer as time passed and Todd soon discovered he was lying on BoJack’s couch.

“H-Huh?” Todd uttered before he jolted up—disoriented by where he was, or more importantly why he was here.

“BoJack?” Todd called out as he began to stand up. The horse hadn’t responded to him, but Todd heard horrible retching coming from the pool area.

Concern splayed in his features; Todd stood up from the grey couch before gradually stepping out to the pool area. His steps became more timid, and he played with his hands. An all too infamous nervous tick he thought was snubbed for good.

“H-Hey buddy? You alright? Did you eat something wrong? Bad hangover?” Todd asked as he got behind the horse and gently patted BoJack’s back—in a meager attempt of comforting him.

“What are you even talking about?” BoJack hissed venomously—his voice even subtly echoed. “You did this to me.”

Before Todd could think to step back and possibly run—BoJack sharply whipped around to grab Todd’s wrists, his stare cold and unmoving. It was like he was trying to practice killing him with just a stare alone.

“BoJack…stop…you’re hurting me.” Todd practically whimpered as he attempted to pull away from the horse.

Getting a good look at BoJack’s face—Todd noticed a slimy black substance trailed from the corner of BoJack’s mouth. The pool usually a shiny blue and crystal clear, was tainted with a thick black substance. The dark substance was slowly swallowing every color different from it.

All too abruptly—Todd woke up, and he almost jolted right up in fear. His whole body was trembling lightly as eyes went to his left—catching sight of Mr. Peanutbutter peacefully sleeping next to him. He gave a small sigh of relief to be out of that nightmare before he untensed his shoulders a bit.

It’s just a bad dream. I’m thinking too much. Todd thought to himself before he slowly drifted off back to sleep. For the rest of that night, Todd didn’t dream of anything.

Todd woke up in surprise to see it was 5:45 AM. He peered over to see Mr. Peanutbutter still asleep. The thought of him waking up before Mr. Peanutbutter was new—it surprised him greatly. However, it came at the expense of Todd feeling disoriented and groggy. He had to blink multiple times just to get his grip on everything around him.

He lied back down and peered upwards to the ceiling, not taking his eyes off it as Mr. Peanutbutter continued to rest. He would be up in about 5-10 minutes. It was like a personal embedded alarm clock inside the dog that screamed at him to jump up right before six.

His thought proved to be correct when the clock flashed 5:55 and Mr. Peanutbutter was up with a yawn—quick to jolt upright from lying down. Not in fear like himself, but in a dog-like eagerness.

“Oh? Good morning Todd! What has you up before me?” Mr. Peanutbutter asked with a smile, earning an almost nervous chuckle from Todd.

He couldn’t just go off and tell Mr. Peanutbutter about this. What if this was just a one-time thing and his mind is just blowing it out of proportionate? He thought.

Therefore, he suggested on the spot, “I was thinking we should go to Diisneyland today! You know, the one with two I’s?”

Mr. Peanutbutter’s ears perked in surprise for a moment before he responded—enthusiasm dripped from his tone, “Aw yeah! I’ll go print the tickets right now!” He tore away from the bed and practically ran out the door to begin the purchase, and Todd watched with a smile.

The day at Diisneyland was spent riding rides, eating theme-park food, and taking several pictures with the mascots. Todd took some with Mickey and Minnie, and Todd caught one with Mr. Peanutbutter cheesing for the camera, an arm draped over Donald.

They got home late and laughed as they went in—shoes were kicked off and they simply slept together in what they wore today.

That night when Todd drifted into sleep—he felt peace. He wasn’t scared, there was no-one he knew transformed to demon entities. All he dreamt of was clouds. The sun was behind it and tried to peek its rays through, but the clouds drifted gently in front of it.

Todd woke up with a yawn and begin to sit up before he felt an arm tightly coiled around his shoulders. He looked up to see Mr. Peanutbutter and a surge of happiness shot through of him. This was a wonderful way to wake up, Todd thought. He cuddled up closer to the dog and that seemed to be the thing to wake him up.

“Good morning sunshine,” Mr. Peanutbutter cooed before a kiss was pressed to his nose. He began to stand up from the bed, but Todd clung to his arm with a small whine. He didn’t want to lose that warmness yet.

“Honey, I have to be on set soon for Birthday Dad!” Mr. Peanutbutter fake whined before Todd’s hair was ruffled.

“I’ll see you later tonight, and we can be together for the entire night!” Mr. Peanutbutter proudly stated, “Before I have to go back on set the next day.” He finished the last sentence in a low tone before he was out the door.

Hearing the front door of the house close, Todd already felt a bit guilty for distracting him even for a moment.

I should probably find someone to get into escapades with, Todd thought to himself before he began to go through his phone.

Diane? No, she’s in Chicago with her new boyfriend now.

Princess Carolyn? No, she’s at work and probably wouldn’t want to be bothered.

Emily? No, she’s busy with something as well.

BoJack? Todd paused at the name in his phone and looked at it with widened eyes.

His stomach churned at the thought of even doing that. He knew they mentioned wiping the slate clean, but he found it harder each day to follow through with that. How can you wipe something clean when it’s been soiled so bad?

With that decided, he closed his phone and walked out the bedroom with a sigh.

On usual circumstances, Todd would find some type of way to get into hijinks, but today he really didn’t feel like putting in the extra effort into finding a shenanigan.

He spent the day watching telenovelas. It was something common in his home when he was a kid, thanks to his stepfather, so he had no problem following along with the plot. Todd felt pathetic simply staying at home and waiting for Mr. Peanutbutter to get back; it felt like he practically wasted a day, but there wasn’t much else to do.

Mr. Peanutbutter had a smart home—almost everything cleaned itself and made sure it was in the best maintenance, so he couldn’t even do much to keep the house up to peak.

Therefore, as he waited—and the sky turned dark; he tried all in his power to stay up and catch Mr. Peanutbutter when he returned, but ultimately one yawn too many, and the sound of melodramatic arguing had him knocked out on the couch.

The image came to Todd’s mind quicker this time. He was standing in BoJack’s living room—only this time he was behind the couch, and BoJack was standing with Sarah Lynn in front of it.

“I’ve been a bad-bad girl…” Sarah Lynn drawled out seductively to BoJack, earning a frown of concern from Todd.

“You are bad!” BoJack affirmed with a glower.

Todd felt like something was off about this. Why was he here again? Why was she here?

“Do you want me to put it out with my boob?” She continued to drawl out her words seductively.

Todd watched in horror as BoJack pursued her—a hand on her lower back before they began to make out.

This was someone BoJack had known since she was a child. He had to pretend to be her dad for the whole show-run! In technicality she was of age, the whole thing still felt beyond wrong—even disgusting for the horse to do.

“I-I need to get out of here. I need some air.” Todd panickedly said to himself—his voice echoed through the house. The only other sound being the sound of moans and grunts and neighs.

He walked back to open the front door, but in horror he watched as the door faded.

“H-Huh?” Todd uttered as he desperately felt around for where the door used to be—it was only another wall now.

He looked for any other type of exit, but soon realized he was now surrounded by walls. They all were. And the walls closed around them, only pushing Todd more towards the other two—still fornicating.

“O-Oh god. No. No. Please no.” Todd said shakily as the walls only pushed him further ahead, “NO!” Todd finally shouted out before he abruptly jolted up with a sharp gasp.

Deep heavy breaths were given as Todd’s heartbeat pumped like he was in a marathon. He looked up to see the yellow Labrador—as he stared down at him in concern. He had a tan blazer with a light blue scarf wrapped cleanly around his neck.

“Todd, are you okay?” He asked softly as to not rattle him awake.

“Y-Yeah…just a stupid dream.” Todd said briefly—with a dry laugh to lighten the mood.

“Oh! I thought something was really wrong considering how you woke up!” Mr. Peanutbutter smiled in relief.

“Do you wanna go to bed now? It is pretty late.” Mr. Peanutbutter stated.

“Oh? What time is it?” Todd asked as he shuffled off from the couch to stand—stretching a bit to adjust himself.

“11:30 PM. Sadly I’m probably gonna have to be out later for a lot of these birthday dad episodes. Who knew they have so many episodes at geared at night!” Mr. Peanutbutter pouted.

“Aw, well it’ll all be worth it when your season is done.” Todd stated—as he walked to the bedroom with Mr. Peanutbutter.

“Yeah, you’re right. You always know what to say Toddie!” Mr. Peanutbutter cooed as he stripped off his blazer, undershirt, and pants to change into his Pajama’s.

“Aw ew dude, I thought we agreed to ban that nickname.” Todd chuckled in fake disgust.

“I don’t remember agreeing on anything of the such.” Mr. Peanutbutter remarked before he got into the bed—and patted the empty spot on the right for Todd to join.

“Come sleep with me!” Mr. Peanutbutter offered with a smile. He still held unbridled enthusiasm even when he was back from a day of work.

Todd initially felt a sick feeling of apprehension. Not at Mr. Peanutbutter’s joyful invitation—Todd thought that was adorable. It came from the thought of falling asleep and having another nightmare like before. To fall into something worse.

He ignored the feeling however and stripped off his hoodie—taking the empty spot next to Mr. Peanutbutter. It helped when your usual outside clothes were just a hoodie. It made changing into Pg.’s much easier he thought.

Mr. Peanutbutter lazily latched an arm over Todd and his breathing slowed as he slowly let his eyes fall shut—his mind going adrift.

That night, Todd didn’t dream of anything.

That morning when Todd awoke groggily with a skull shattering headache. It felt like the world’s worst hangover—except he’s not even had a drink.

He turned over to the left—only to see an empty indentation in the bed where Mr. Peanutbutter once lied.

He must have left already. Todd thought sadly; before he stood up out of the bed with a grunt. The last thing he wanted to do was have a repeat of yesterday, so in desperation he called Princess Carolyn in an attempt of an adventure.

It ended up with her giving him Ruthie to watch for the day while she managed some upcoming celebrities.

One afternoon filled with painful pricks and searching through the whole house frantically for a baby—only to find her in the backyard, and she was returned to a grateful Princess Carolyn. He accepted her hug before she departed, and he was alone again.

As fatigue gripped him, Todd finally decided to take a nap so he could catch Mr. Peanutbutter when he got home. Of course, it wouldn’t be anything too big—they’d just go to bed together. However, that small moment was everything to him.

One yawn, followed by two, and Todd soon found himself asleep on the couch.

As with every dream it began dark. He waited for his brain to come up with whatever image, but what he hadn’t expected was to be on a ship.

He ran with BoJack for reasons he didn’t know at first; before the thought soon came to him. They were on the giggle-ship. This was when he was taken out of that cult improv group.

As the cat tried to manipulate Todd into staying with them—uncertainty bloomed in his heart and he could only stay perched on the ladder to BoJack’s ship with hesitation—like an idiot.

Decisive on what he should do, he was set on getting on BoJack’s ship after the mention of how he actually cared about him. As he stepped on the ship, Todd looked down to see red roses in the water—when he looked back up, he was met with a bouquet of white roses from BoJack. They were fresh and healthy in comparison to the red roses in the sea.

Todd blinked in confusion but took them anyway as BoJack turned back to the view with a smile. “Don’t ever try to leave me again.” The words are said sickeningly sweet, and Todd watched in horror as a tide began to rise, somehow stretching above the boat and ready to fall on them.

“BoJack?” Todd began, as the horse only steered the boat further towards the wave. “BoJack?! BoJack! Turn the boat around! BoJack!” he frantically shouted—hoping for the horse to listen to him for once.

However, he only held a serene smile on his face as he led them both into the waves—and the water harshly crashed down onto both of them. Todd abruptly woke up with a gasp. He was sweating and tears trailed down his cheek.

He felt a blanket around him and immediately knew Mr. Peanutbutter is home. Putting the blanket to the side, he tiptoed to the bedroom to see Mr. Peanutbutter peacefully sleeping the night away. Todd could only feel a sense of melancholy as he watched Mr. Peanutbutter’s sleep on the right side of the bed; His back slowly rising and falling in a gentle rhythm; He watched for one more moment—before leaving Mr. Peanutbutter to his rest.

That night Todd didn’t go to sleep.

He was terrified at the thought of somehow slipping into another horror dream. It felt like they were becoming more realistic as they continued. He wished he knew how to just get rid of them. He was done fretting over his past abuse. Everything that happened. He squashed things with BoJack so he couldn’t understand the source. Why was it haunting him now?

As the clock ticked close to 6 AM, Todd went ahead and began to make a breakfast along with a fresh pot of Coffee for Mr. Peanutbutter. He was happy to do this; it took his mind off every troubling thing. Plus, he’d get to see his boyfriend’s surprised face followed by that cute perk of his ears.

Not too soon after he was done, Mr. Peanutbutter came in with his blazer and his ears perked up in surprise as a smile came to his face almost instantly. “Oh, ho ho, what do we have here?” Mr. Peanutbutter stated sweetly as his eyes examined the waffles, omelet shaped in his face, and the muffins.

“Am I Johnny Cash in 1939? Because YOU are my sunshine!” A quick kiss was given to Todd, before he began to take all the food into his arms and wrapped it up. “I’m sorry I wish I could say but I’m gonna take this to go!”

Todd was about to watch him just wrap it up and leave for the day, but a spike of anxiety went through him, and as he grabbed the mug of coffee he blurted, “W-Wait!”

Mr. Peanutbutter’s ears perked up before he turned around—his attention now on Todd, “Huh? Yes Todd?”

Todd played with a closed fist for a moment, “Can I join you on the set?”

Mr. Peanutbutter gave a raised eyebrow in question, “Are you sure sweetie? I wouldn’t stop you coming, but it does take a long while with production stuff. Would you be okay with just sitting there?”

“Yes. Totally.” Todd insisted, not backing down from his stance.

“Well, alright buddy! Let’s go! This is gonna be so much fun!” Mr. Peanutbutter happily stated with dog-like joy.

Todd trailed behind as the lab soon bolted out of the door, and Todd carried some spare muffins in case he may want some later.

The rest of the day was spent on the set. It went a bit longer than usual as Mr. Peanutbutter’s eyes kept drifting from the person he was talking to, back to Todd watching with a grin—a collectible Birthday Dad shirt on. Of course, this always issued a groan from cast members before the director loudly issued a cut.

It was a good day. Todd felt at ease albeit being exhausted from how long he stayed up. Not even one passing nap as they did the scenes.

As they returned home and slipped into bed, Todd’s brain slowly conjured up Mr. Peanutbutter’s living room. He was lying on the couch and the TV was off; however, he couldn’t take his eyes off of it for some reason.

He finally tore his gaze away to check his phone. No contacts.

“Huh?” Todd uttered before he put his phone away and could only see the TV in front of him.

Todd felt odd upon waking up. He couldn’t explain it, and it wasn’t anything as terrifying like normal, but it was still weird. He sat up for a moment as he saw Mr. Peanutbutter still asleep.

I should just try and go back to asleep. Todd told himself before he dozed off back to bed again.

This time, he was standing outside the wall to Mr. Peanutbutter’s old home. Todd blinked in confusion as he looked around.

“Todd! For god’s sake can you focus on me for five seconds please!” BoJack huffed with a snap of his fingers.

Todd instantly stiffened before he focused back to the horse in front of him. He felt anxious as the other looked at him with an almost evil gleam of eyes.

“We’re going to break up those two wedding. Diane will realize she doesn’t want to be with that dog-face,” BoJack began, before he pulled out a pill bottle. He opened the cap and a pill was placed in Todd’s hand before BoJack gently closed Todd’s around the pill.

“You’re going to break into his home. Find ANY information we can use on that idiot. And if you somehow manage to get caught in the process, take this pill.”

“What will it do?” Todd asked as he opened his hand to examine the pill.

“You’ll die. What else? It’s better than being caught.” BoJack bluntly stated

“BoJack. I don’t know… if I want to do it. I’m probably being stupid, but I really don’t…” Todd trailed off as he looked at the pill terrified.

“It’s not about what you want. Now hurry! Go!” BoJack urged as he motioned with his hand to go.

Todd scampered over the wall—and as he got over it and into Mr. Peanutbutter’s office. Todd could only look down at the pill. A swirl of emotions brewing in him. Suddenly, the door to the office was opened and there he was. Mr. Peanutbutter.

“Take the pill! Take the pill!” BoJack shouted through the walkie talkie before the sounds of leaves rustling and footsteps running came.

“AH!” Todd shouted out as he jolted out breathing heavily A hand went to his head.

To much of Todd’s horror—Mr. Peanutbutter was awake in almost an instance after his shout and was on him within seconds.

“Todd?! Are you okay?!” A hand went to his shoulder, and on instinct Todd quickly reassured he was fine, followed by suggesting they just go back to bed.

The next morning, Todd was awoken by a gentle shake of the shoulder by Mr. Peanutbutter. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he began.

“You told me before it was just dreams. Tell me a bit about them.” He urged softly.

“Well… it’s really complicated.” Todd began.

“That’s okay. Really. I want to know what’s going on sweetheart.”

Todd couldn’t help but cast a little bit of a grin at the new nickname, before he leaned back against the pillow a bit, “It’s about BoJack. It seems like I’ve been having stupid flashback dreams of him, and each one seems to get worse.”

Mr. Peanutbutter looked at Todd with concern—eyes peered down before he looked back to Todd, “Have you tried just really talking things out with him?”

“What? No. I mean. I’ve talked stuff out with him. We wiped a clean slate, and practically wrapped everything up. I don’t get WHY past stuff is still coming to haunt me.”

“I mean, I had nightmares before, but they used to be rare. Really rare. Like once every 6 months thing, but now it seems like it hits me almost constantly now.” Todd admitted with a frown in frustration to his dilemma.

“Have you ever considered a therapist?” Mr. Peanutbutter asked—earning a bone chilling coldness to go through Todd.

“No way! I-It’s fine! Besides my issue isn’t exactly something common to any therapist to help with! We… just need to find another way.” Todd attempted to state firmly.

Mr. Peanutbutter issued a quiet hm as he peered down in thought. Todd looked up himself in thought of what common denominator could help quell these nightmares.

Until he realized what warded off his nightmares every time. Whenever Mr. Peanutbutter cuddled him when they slept, he never had a dream relieving his trauma!

“Aha! That’s it!” Todd yelled out, causing to Mr. Peanutbutter to jump back with perked up.

“Yes?”

“You have to like go into my dream! Like a dream warrior or something! You seem to be like an omen against all nightmares!” Todd stated happily.

“Oh really?!” Mr. Peanutbutter stated with an ecstatic smile now, his tongue happily blepped out. “What do I need to do?”

“Just uh…hold my hand while I’m dreaming, and maybe think about me and you’d be like in my dream probably!” Todd hypothesized.

“That’s easy! I’m always thinking of you before I go to bed!” Mr. Peanutbutter happily stated.

* * *

That evening, as Mr. Peanutbutter had the day off, they were both able to go to bed together earlier than usual.

As Todd got into the bed, he couldn’t help but feel nervous for the mission they were about to go through with it.

His shoulders were tensed, but as he felt Mr. Peanutbutter take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze—he looked over to see the other flashed him a reassuring smile.

A smile was returned, before Todd went and closed his eyes. It took a while to fall deep into his R.E.M state, but when he did—he was met with a figure. For a moment it looked BoJack. Like he was in his living room again and panic instantly ensued.

However, the settings slowly warbled—he wasn’t in BoJack’s living room. He wasn’t even with BoJack. He looked ahead to see Mr. Peanutbutter. The Labrador brought a hand to Todd’s and they intertwined before he leaned into Mr. Peanutbutter’s chest.

The soft rise and fall of his chest, the sound of his heartbeat was all that lulled Todd.

When Todd awoke the next morning, he felt at complete ease. He realized he was on the others chest and got up.

Todd was about to wake the other and tell him about the results, but before he could the other was already sitting up with a yawn.

“Dude! The plan worked perfectly! You were even in my dream and everything!” Todd happily exclaimed. “Did you see me in your dream?”

Mr. Peanutbutter cocked his head a bit to the side as he thought about it, “I really don’t remember what I dreamt about.” He answered honestly.

“Oh…well, for the most part it worked! Now we know I just gotta sleep with you and I’ll be okay!” Todd stated with a smile.

“What about when I’m not there?” Mr. Peanutbutter asked.

A silence went through the room as Todd really had to think about it. All while the silence came through the air, Mr. Peanutbutter fetched his blazer, scarf, and slacks, and got prepared for the day.

“I-It should be fine. I mean we usually sleep together so it isn’t a big problem.” Todd responded.

Mr. Peanutbutter’s face seemed unsure before he chuckled, “Alright Todd, I’ll see you when I get back!” He waved to the other before he was gone.

* * *

It was 1 AM, and Mr. Peanutbutter still wasn’t home. Todd decided to spend a day in, to try and grapple this. It ultimately turned out to be a puzzle he wasn’t going to solve in one sitting, so as he waited for the other to return; he was disappointed as it was technically the next day.

He tried all in his power to stay up. His feelings beginning to brew anew. He felt a rare irrational anger at Mr. Peanutbutter. He felt powerless. Not to the yellow lab but to himself? It felt frustrating, and for once Todd took a deep breath before he walked to the bed, taking his normal spot on the right side of the bed.

He brought the blankets close to him and clutched it.

When the darkness overtakes his mind, he woke up to see himself in BoJack’s living room. He was used to feeling completely powerless, to feeling terrified for what could happen. BoJack’s emotions was like a light switch.

He was completely aware, and now he was back here. His stuff here. He was seething with a burning rage.

With a hard glare, Todd’s teeth were tightly clenched before he soon started beginning to tear the fabric of the couch, pulling the stuffing out of it. “Damn you BoJack! You never really listened to me! You never let me have any voice! You god-damned bastard!” When it was completely gouged, he went to kicking the massacred couch over. He looked over to see the vase. A priceless artifact from his show in the 90’s. 

Todd wasted no time hurling the vase down, stepping down on the shards with his sandals for extra measure.

He went to the fridge before Todd saw all the alcohol within it. He would have a real hard time getting that drunken stupor he’s used to if he has nothing to drink! Todd thought before he grabbed as many bottles and hurled it all on the ground at once.

He snarled as the glass all scattered in a million pieces across the kitchen floor. The fruit basket was knocked over, and for extra measure Todd threw BoJack’s TV in the pool.

Almost instantaneously after this, Todd saw BoJack suddenly came out of his room with a frown. “I’m sorry.” He began starkly.

“Is that what you wanted? What you needed? I already apologized before. We agreed to wipe a clean slate. WHY are you still pushing still after this long? What more do you need to soothe your poor, pathetic, fragile heart?” BoJack took a step closer, and instantly Todd’s anger faded as he took a step back in fear.

“I let you stay with me. A random stranger who stayed when my party was over. The moment you agreed to stay here with me—I owned you, and I think after how much I spent on you, I have every right to.”

Todd stayed silent; his eyes widened in surprise before he turned away from the horse. His anger faded into helplessness again. He clutched his beanie and shut his eyes tightly.

“Todd?” BoJack began.

“Todd? Todd? Todd? Todd? TODD?!” He echoed loudly within Todd’s mind.

A growl came from Todd as tears started to bubble in the corner of his eyes, “Fuck off!” He yelled out with as much vigor as he could muster—swinging his fist back to punch BoJack clean in the face.

A yelp fills the air and Todd’s dream was over. He jolted up from the bed. His knuckles were burning. They ached for some reason, but his punch was just in a dream.

Todd slowly looked down at his red knuckles, horror settling in his face as he realized who really got hit, and who was calling out to him.

He looked ahead to see Mr. Peanutbutter covering his cheek and just below his eye. His eyes were widened in surprise as he whimpered a bit—Todd looked back with widened eyes in horror himself.

What did I do? Todd thought in terror.

Todd began to stammer, unable to completely form an apology for the other. What could he say to mend this? He just punched his boyfriend.

Todd wasted no time to fully tear the covers off himself and speed out the door. Even as Mr. Peanutbutter called out for him, he couldn’t just stay in the house after what he had to done. This was all his fault.


	2. Chapter 2

Todd tore out the house, letting his feet practically bolt on his own as he ran in no direction. He quickly eyed the car as he ran but ultimately left it alone. Mr Peanutbutter needed it for work, and it wasn’t exactly his to just take.

“Todd!” Mr Peanutbutter called out from the doorway. He looked off in the general direction and continued to shout out for the man; looking left and right through the darkness; occasionally sniffing the air before he began to walk towards his general direction.

Seeing Mr Peanutbutter begin to approach his way caused Todd to suck in a sharp inhale. His hands shook, and his heartbeat pounded violently within his ribs—like it was due to breaking through any moment.

He couldn’t confront him now, he just _punched_ him. Therefore, with that thought plaguing his mind; he ran farther down the sidewalk and he didn’t falter to look behind him.

Todd was frazzled, he felt outright sickened to let his fear, his trauma, he let everything spill over and culminate into punching his boyfriend. He had let Bojack practically take over his life and he’s not even there anymore. Even when that horse wasn’t there, he was still somehow causing problems.

 _But, what if it’s not him?_ Todd began to question himself—stopping in his sprint with a heavy pant. This whole time. The thought was quickly glazed over however as he looked around to see he was in some city area.

Bright lights filled the sky—practically drowning out the stars in the sky; the sound of cars zooming down the road filled his ears; restaurants and stores were found on almost every corner. Taking a seat at the bus stop, he knew no more buses were coming—especially at this time. With a sigh, Todd closed his eyes to gather himself together.

“Hey! What are you doing out here this late?!” A familiar voice called out.

Todd looked up to see that grey SUV. Princess Carolyn’s head was peeked out of the window as she scanned him up and down with a glare.

“Well?” She urged on.

“Uh… it’s a really long story. Some stupid stuff happened. I was stupid. I…really don’t think I can explain it right now.” Todd’s eyes fell downcast with his reply as he rubbed his arm in an uncharacteristic meekness.

“Oh. Well, where are you gonna go for the night?” Princess Carolyn asked, concern knitted in her upturned eyebrows.

“I’m not sure. I thought about chilling her-“ 

He was cut off by Princess Carolyn opening and closing her door, and firmly grabbing the arm of Todd’s jacket, ushering him onward into her SUV—all which Todd did in complete obedience.

“Nope. No. You’re not staying out here all-night dummy. Murders lurk around these LA bus stops!” Princess Carolyn chided.

Todd was limp, idly accepting her offer as she brought him in the car. Sitting in the backseat, he looked to see Ruthie sleeping in her carrier, her head tilted slightly to the side.

A faint smile came from Todd at the sight, but his lips flattened back to a line as he looked out the window.

“Alright. Seatbelt on?” Princess Carolyn asked—eyes focused on the road.

“Yeah.”

With that confirmed she started the car and began to drive down the road. The whole car ride took about 5 minutes before they pulled up at the condo complex.

“Can you get Ruthie out the carrier and bring her to bed? We can talk about what happened tomorrow, but I really need a good cat nap now.” Princess Carolyn mentioned with a sigh.

Todd could only nod, already feeling an unsettling sense of dread fill his stomach as he unbuckled Ruthie from her seat; picking her up without a haste, he treaded lightly up the stairs, avoiding a single whine or abrupt awakening from the baby.

Once he was up the stairs, he waited as Princess Carolyn unlocked the door and allowed Todd in with Ruthie.

As Princess Carolyn went to lie down, Todd put Ruthie down in the crib next to her bed.

That night, Princess Carolyn and Ruthie got a good night’s rest, but Todd barely slept.

That morning, everything leading up to the accidental punch was shakily relayed to Princess Carolyn. She silently listened on with crossed arms; when he was finished she let out a sigh before lowering her head for a moment.

“I…feel really bad PC.” Todd stated—rubbing at his eyes with a hoodie sleeve. “I’m…terrible.”

“No you’re not. Don’t you ever say that dummy.” Princess Carolyn assured firmly with a determined glint in her eyes.

Todd ‘s lowered head rose and his eyes widened surprise, as his attention went to her.

“You just need to go to therapy. It’s that simple. Go to him, apologize, pick up a therapist and things will be okay.”

“But, how do I even BEGIN to explain what happened to me? With Bojack. I. don’t know, what if it doesn’t work and they can’t help me at all?”

Princess Carolyn let out a growl of frustration in response, causing Todd to shrink back a bit. “What do you mean NOT work? A therapist isn’t some type of Roomba dummy! It’s a real, breathing person paid to help you with your issues!”

“What? Issues? The only issue I have is the stupid nightmares.” 

“Todd. From all you’ve been telling me, it seems like you’ve been repressing and bottling everything and now it’s leaking out in OTHER ways, and instead of getting help like a rational human being, you’re CHOOSING to drown.”

With that stated the sound of Ruthie crying filled the Condo. Heaving out a sigh, she left for a moment to fetch her before returning and sitting down—now with a half asleep baby in her arms.

“I don’t like this Todd. I like the Todd that makes stupid jokes, who laughs at goofy things, the Todd who has the craziest ideas that somehow makes things work out. A fond smile of rememberance came from the cat, earing a guilty one from Todd.

“Now, you’re reminding me of a certain horse we both know.”

Todd’s slack posture instantly straightened, and his eyes widened in initial shock before brows furrowed down in slight anger, “What?”

“Ah. Todd, you know I didn’t mean it like-“

“No. You think I’m becoming just like him don’t you?” Todd remarked with growing anger, his fists clenched his sweatpants.

“Todd.” She began.

“No.” Todd said bluntly before he began to stand up. “I’m sorry for staying here. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the Todd you wanted me to be. It wouldn’t be the first person I disappointed someone.”

He began to go for the door, but he stopped as he felt Princess Carolyn’s hand firmly set place on his shoulder, not letting him just leave.

“Todd, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not Bojack, but from someone who’s been with him for as long as I have…” She gently grabbed his hand in a means of comfort, and Todd’s initial defensive anger diminished to a pained look.

“Bojack is someone who’s willingly chosen to drown repeatedly. He could’ve gotten help, he could’ve reached for that lifesaver anytime. But, he simply stuck with going in the ocean. Even if he didn’t know how to swim.”

“Todd, I want you to grab that lifesaver.” Princess Carolyn gently urged.

Todd was silent for a moment before he began to respond, “PC I’m…really sorry. I’m trying to be the normal Todd. But, I don’t even know who the heck that guy is anymore.” Todd admitted with a sigh.

“What if my problem is too…uncommon. What if they honestly just can’t help me through this. God, the thought terrifies me and I wish I could just jump up and say YAY therapy like you want.” Todd finished with hands stuck in his hoodie pockets before he slumped down.

“Todd—” Princess Carolyn began, before the sound of knocking came from the door.

“Princess Carolyn, are you home?” A terrifyingly familiar voice said from behind the door, and without hesitation—Todd sped off to hide behind the couch.

Princess Carolyn eyed Todd with a perplexed look before opening the door with one hand. “Mr Peanutbutter. What brings you here this morning?” Princess Carolyn asked a bit flatly.

Todd watched in horror as Mr Peanutbutter stood at the entry way, seeing the bandage just below his eye. The banadage wasn’t one of those small ones, which only swirled his guilt worse.

“Things got really intense last night PC.. Todd ran away. I’m really worried about him, have you seen him around or personally ran into him?”

Princess Carolyn’s gaze subtly went behind the couch for Todd’s reaction, and he simply sat there stiff as a board, his teeth clenched, and shoulders tensed high.

“No. I’m sorry Mr Peanutbutter.” Princess Carolyn responded.

“Oh…well, if you see Todd, tell him Mr Peanutbutter told him to please come home, and that I’m not mad at him.” Mr Peanutbutter solemnly stated before he walked away.

Princess Carolyn watched Mr Peanutbutter leave before her gaze went back to behind the couch. She didn’t have to say anything, but her frown said everything.

Getting to his feet, Todd let out a sigh, “Okay. I’m..gonna go back home. Thanks for letting me stay here for the night.”

As he began to step out the door, eyes widened in horror as he saw Mr Peanutbutter’s ears perk up before he sharply turned around to go back to Princess Carolyn’s door.

“Ah!” He yelped to himself before ducking behind a tall plant. He was thankful he was short enough to camouflage himself as Mr Peanutbutter went to PC before she could close the door.

“Hey, this may seem weird but I think that I can smell Todd here? Are you sure you haven’t seen him around?” Mr Peanutbutter questioned as he gave another sniff.

“Oh for fish sake. He’s behind the planter!” Princess Carolyn finally confessed.

Todd let out a gasp as Mr Peanutbutter’s ears perked up and his gaze focused on the planter. Todd couldn’t move from the spot, and he only tensed further as the door to PC’s apartment closed.

Mr Peanutbutter walked around the plant to see Todd ducked behind the plant, and while he expected some hesitance or outright disappointment; he was surprised to feel himself wrapped into a hug and yanked off the ground with ease.

“Todd! Thank goodness I found you!” Mr Peanutbutter began, before derailing off into a moment of cheery rejoice.

But Todd began to drown out the love and positivity he held for him, as the only thing he could think was, **_“I don’t deserve this.”_**

He broke away from the Labrador, and while the thought of just going home with Mr PB and finally squashing it came to mind; his irrational side ruled out and he was soon bolting down the hall.

“Aw not again!” Mr Peanutbutter huffed in irritation before he was soon chasing after Todd.

“Please stop following me! I’m like a really bad dude! A bad Todd! I’m not the Todd of the Todd’s you used to know! Only a super evil Todd would punch you, even on accident!” Todd cried out as he continued to run.

“What? No! You’re not bad, you’re just scared!” Mr Peanutbutter corrected as he picked up speed—much to Todd’s horror.

“No man, only a toxic person would ignore everything and let it get this bad!” Todd retorted as he tried to pick up speed himself.

His self hate rant went short before he found himself tackled to the ground; Mr Peanutbutter hovering over him now.

“I’m not letting you just run off and blame yourself like that. The only way you’re making yourself a bad guy is by avoiding me and this whole thing even more.”

Todd went silent, unable to give a good reply to the statement.

“Now come home with me so we can talk about this in private.” Mr Peanutbutter stated with a rare firmness; his glare was sharp and practically burning into Todd with dedication.

Standing up now, Todd was met with the other holding his hand. It could’ve possibly been for comfort, but it also could’ve been to make sure he didn’t try to run off again.

Once Todd was in the passenger seat and buckled in Mr Peanutbutter flashed a brief small smile to him; however, Todd’s gaze worriedly looked to the mirror, completely missing the subtle gesture.

Todd’s nerves were acting up as they got closer to the house, and when they arrived back home; he hesitantly got out of the car before he stepped in the house.

Getting inside, Todd didn’t hesitate to give Mr Peanutbutter multiple apologies, his gaze focused purely on the bandage below his eye. He could feel tears begin to burn through his eyes as he blinked them away.

“I know I’m sorry is starting to sound really redundant and lame, but god I’m so sorry. I would never want to hurt y-“

“Todd. Stop.” Mr Peanutbutter gently assured, grabbing his hand and lightly gripping it. He ushered Todd over to the couch to sit down.

“Just… tell me everything that happened with Bojack. Warts and all.”

Todd’s eyes widened slightly for a moment, before a deep breath came from him. He couldn’t keep this stuff from him anymore, and so for that whole morning and till the evening Todd relayed everything that’s happened since he’s ended up at the horse’s house.

“I guess you probably think I need a therapist after all of this too.” Todd stated, his eyes focused on the ceiling above him.

“Well. While I think therapy would help. Todd. I don’t want you to get therapy if you don’t want to.” Mr Peanutbutter began.

Todd’s eyes left the ceiling and focused back on Mr Peanutbutter as he continued.

“The point of therapy is that it has to be something you and you alone want. I can’t, and I don’t want to force you to do it if you’re not ready for that. I’ll still love you whether you jump to therapy or not.”

Todd’s eyes widened, and in that moment, he realized exactly what he needed to do. However, his tongue was tied as to what to respond.

“If you want my opinion, I think you should. You shouldn’t have to silently shoulder hurt like this anymore.”

Todd felt his shoulders sag and his vision burn once more as he realized exactly what was happening. He was crying again. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before facing Mr Peanutbutter once more.

“Okay. I’m gonna book an appointment for tomorrow.” Todd stated, before he began to look for one on his phone; all while Mr Peanutbutter held an encouraging smile for him.

That night, Todd only dreamt of a bouquet filled with orange flowers and a huge yellow sunflower stuck in the middle of it. At first it was just the flowers, but then a monarch butterfly slowly came fluttering down and perched itself ontop of the sunflower. He stood there holding the bouquet, blinking in confusion at the sight before the alarm blared throughout his dream.

It was time.

Todd sat stiff as a board as he sat in the car. Mr Peanutbutter had made coffee for the both of them to take on the go. Todd had only taken a few sips while Mr Peanutbutter seemed to down his like water.

Todd noticed Mr Peanutbutter’s attempts to lighten up the mood with some jokes he personally made himself. Some of them landed and Todd couldn’t help but give out a snicker, and other left him stone faced.

When they arrived, Todd walked into the lobby to be met with the scent of a cheap, strong scented air freshener. Was it lavender or nature breeze? He couldn’t tell, but he knew whoever sprayed it didn’t hold back, and he crinkled his nose in distaste initially. However, the smell soon grew to him as he walked to the front desk. Mr Peanutbutter hovering behind him close for support.

“Name?” The front desk woman asked.

“Uh…Todd Chavez.”

She spent a moment to type on the computer before turning back to him, “Good morning sir!” she handed a clipboard with several pieces of paper and a pen. “Just fill out this form and Mr Smith shall see you shortly.”

Todd was nervous, but he pushed past it as he grabbed the clipboard and gingerly went back to his seat. He peered down at the clipboard, silently reading the print before he began to scribble in the required lines.

“Are you going to be okay? I can come sit with you through the sessions like a therapy dog.” Mr Peanutbutter suggested, making light of the whole thing.

Todd paused his writing for a moment to think about it before he shook his head. “No, I think this is something I need to do. It’s not yours or anyone else’s responsibility to hold my hand.” Todd stated with a smile.

“Just you being here with me in the waiting room; suggesting therapy; and continuing to be there for me…it’s so much more than enough.” Todd reassured with a pat to Mr Peanutbutter’s back.

“Aw thank you Todd. I’m always more than happy to be there for you.” Mr Peanutbutter remarked with a fond smile.

Finishing up the form, Todd stood up and handed the lady the clipboard before taking his seat next to Mr Peanutbutter.

In a surprise, the Labrador leaned forward to give Todd a soft kiss on the lips. It wasn’t brief, but it wasn’t uncomfortably long as well.

“Just for good luck.” Mr Peanutbutter stated with a fake cough.

“Yeah. For good luck. Thank you.”

The moment left an awkward silence as both of them blushed. While usually it would be seen as negative, they soon both burst out into laughter at the cheesiness of it all as they draped an arm over one another’s shoulder.

“Wow, we’re both huge goofs, aren’t we?” Mr Peanutbutter said with one more chuckle.

“Haha…yeah, definitely. But I think that’s okay. I like being a goof with you.” Todd smiled.

The short moment was soon broken up as a door opened and a man appeared; he wore a white buttoned up to the neck shirt, dark slacks, and glasses presumably for reading; his hair brown and curly.

He looked down at the clipboard in his hand before he called out the name, “Todd Chavez?”

Todd looked to Mr Peanutbutter one more time with much apprehension, an unsure smile placed itself on his face in place of hope. Mr Peanutbutter simply gave a wide grin and a thumbs up of support, and Todd let out a shaky breath before he stood up; walking over to Mr Smith.

“Todd, it’s great to see you for the first time.” Mr Smith warmly remarked before Todd was ushered inside the hall and the door was closed; their first session was now beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story feel free to leave kudos and comment below maybe! : D


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